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A users guide to recognising emos

Emo kids are sad creatures of the dark. They are characterized by their dress sense and also how in touch they are with certain emotions (i.e. the negative ones). Typically emos wear lots of black and will most likely have dyed hair (mainly black or sometimes colourful streaks) and write music, lyrics, or poems about the trials and tribulations of their torturous lives. Basically emos are sort of like goths...but with a lot less darkness and a lot more Harry Potter.

Spotting an emo kid online is very easy as most have their username surrounded by Xs like so: xXxTinySadBrokenKittyxXx. Usually this would indicate that the user is Straight Edge (abstains from drug and alcohol). However in the emo community, things have different meanings. Their definition of straight edge is rather vertically displaceable. Emos can also be recognized online by their typing style. There are many variations of emo typing

1) The.kind.that.hasn't.found.the.space.key.yet.

2) Theonethathasn'tfoundthespacekeyorthefullstop

3) the ones that have found the space key but unfortunately have misplaced all other punctuation keys including capital letters this kind isnt so bad at first but it can get very very very very very very very annoying over long blocks of text as your never quite sure when the sentence has ending or where the pauses go and it all sort of jams together and makes very little sense to you as a reader

4) da 1s dat tlk in txt tlk dispit da fct dare r nt actuly txtin ne1

5) (The absolute worst) tHe oNeS wHo gO tO sTuPiD aMoUnTs oF eFFoRt To mAkE tHeIr pOsT aS UnReAdEraBlE aS PoSsIbLe. iTs aNnOyInG tO tHoSe wHo ReAD iT. iTs aNnOyInG tO tHoSe wHow wRiTe iT. aNd iTs eVen aNnOyInG tO tHoSe wHo dOn'T rEaD It...iTs cRaCkInG sTuFf!

Now that you know how to recognise them, it's time to learn how to tell them apart. As emos come in many different shapes and sizes. Here are some of the most common types of emos to look out for:

Poser Emo Kid

Poser emos are usually in their pre teens. They are not actually emos but rather pretend to be sad just to fit in with the other emos. They're are looked down upon by other emos because they have no real problems or anything to angst over, and are therefore not true emos.

Plastic Emo Kid

Also known as a prefect scene emos. The plastic emos are really just hot, prefect girls in their late teens with an emo haircut. They are not usually involved in the scene, as the plastic scene is all about looks. These are slightly more acceptable than posers as they have their hair and make up to angst over, which is a trademark of the emo community.

Emo Goth Kid

Possibly the most common kind, these emos are leaning more toward the goth spectrum - fashion wise at least - but emotionally they lack the anger needed to be a goth. As a result they can usually be spotted wandering apathetically around graveyards.

Camera Whore Emo Kid

This kind is only emo in front of the camera. They take hundred of picture of themselves pouting at strange angles, pick the best ones, and then photoshop them. This kind have hundred of friends on Myspace and possibly a few friends in real life as well!

Skater Emo Kid

An emo that wears baggy clothes and possibly even skates; exactly what it says on the tin! This emo is a bit more rebellious than the other kinds and spend more time in detention than the skate park.

Congratulations! Now that you've read our users guide to recognising emos you can feel smug in the knowledge that you are now an authority on strange breed of adolescent...or you can use this knowledge to yell "OI EMO!" at any emo kids you see...it's up to you really...

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